take one.

sometimes i like to sit back and contemplate my life: where have i been? where am i going? i find myself struggling to answer both questions. when i think about my past experiences, it seems that i never, ever learn. i'm tired of being in the same spot in life but it seems that subconsciously, i'm not..? that's the only real reason i can find to justify my actions. i don't know what it is.. i only act that way towards certain things, or persons, to be more specific. on the same token, i've come to terms with the fact that i'm deathly afraid of being alone. although i rant and rave about wanting to live alone and hating everyone the fact of the matter is i don't know how to be emotionally alone. when i look back on things that happened, i almost think i physically can't do it..
eh.. on a lighter note, i wish i could read minds. i know not everyone shares my same thought processes and for that reason, i wish i had that power if only for one day. i think if i were able to see how a certain few people thought and reacted to certain things, aside from the way they show it, my life would be so much easier. but that's impossible, so i'm gna try and work on my communication skills. apparently i "don't express myself in clear enough ways and i expect people to just know how i feel." the second part of that very well may be true because i do wear my emotions on my sleeves so i don't think things are that hard to decipher about me.. in any case, it wouldn't hurt to work on communicating.
2007 was a whirlwind of emotions -- mostly sad ones. for that reason, though i haven't so much succeeded, i need to make 2008 a good year. it seems that starting at the summer of 2007, my life took a huge turn. it hasn't proved to be horrible, but it hasn't been amazing either. instead of the usual complaining and sulking, however, i'm gna try and make the best of everything. (enter blogspot) tune in kiddos, it's gna be quite a ride..