i've been neglecting my poor little blog. let's get up to speed, shall we? lol.. spring semester is officially over and i must say i'm pretty fricken impressed with the outcome. fall semester sucked so i'm hella proud of myself for coming back from it the way that i did. i'm staying in philly for the summer to work, take summer classes and ultimately be broke and miserable lol! good fun though.. i'll be moving into my new apartment (yayy) august 5th but i have yet to find any furniture, so looks like i'll be sleeping on the floor! lol it's cool, as long as it's my floor and i don't have to worry about anyone else..
life on the whole is okay, i guess..i've been thinking more and more about the year that has passed and i think it is safe to say that this may have been one of the worst school years of my life. there was some good but for the most part, it was borderline unbearable.. 158% of me is ecstatic that it's over. lol. i feel like i've learned so much yet so little over the course of the past 9 months. all of those experiences, thoughts, heartaches, etc. have brought me to really realize that the only person that truly cares about me is me. yeah i have 'friends' but i do not trust a soul anymore. basically everyone seems to fail me. lol debbie downer much? i love the time to myself that i finally have now that my obnoxious roommate moved out, but at the same time, i feel more alone than i ever have before. i've been trying to immerse myself in other things to entertain myself but at the end of the day, i really can't find anything. i'm not complaining, i'm just saying. lol. i wish i would find someone or a few someones that are truly down for me. even more than that, i wish i could rewind to this time last year, eradicate all those farfetched hopes, dreams and wishes that i made for this past year and realize then what i know now. i seriously could have saved myself gallons of tears, money and tiiiimmmmeeeeee, that i will never get back (well the money i will.. lol).. i'm so tired of being hurt. i seriously need some sort of a breakthrough. lol.
in any case, i'm excited to be taking classes. my calculus teacher, darin kapanjie is nice to look at and he's funny. i'm predicting an a in the class. i have macroeconomics next session and i'm praying for an a because i barely scraped by in micro. lol.
as far as my aforementioned problems, i may invest in therapy. or loads and loads of alcohol. i'm thinking the latter. ;)
until next time, outski♥
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Monday, May 5, 2008
bruised, but not broken
it's been a while, i know! lol life has been hectic...
in any case, a couple weeks ago, i was at work on a thursday or friday and it was very, very busy. for that reason, or as a result of my clumsiness (yeah right lol), i rammed my thigh into the door that lets me onto the teller line. *ouch* of course, like i said, it was busy so i couldn't do my usual screaming, crying and rolling around on the floor, lol. instead, i cursed and kept moving. we had a line damn near out to chestnut street so i diligently worked and soon forgot about my ailment. by the end of the night, as the branch started to slow down, i realized that i had really hurt myself. pay attention. i went to the bathroom to inspect my leg thinking that there would be a bruise but there was nothing there. of course it hurt when i walked and touched the spot but visibly, i was fine. i went home, looked some more for a bruise i knew should be there but still, nothing. a few mornings later, the bruise that i knew should have been there days ago, finally reared its ugly head. it still hurt a little bit but not nearly as much as it did when it first happened. read closely. a few days later, i looked at my bruise again and yeah, it was still there looking more disgusting by the day, but it was no longer tender to the touch. i realized that the worse my thigh looked, the closer i was to a full recovery. i attribute this very theory to my everyday life. life has a way of throwing curve balls and setting traps for us that seem to come out of nowhere (like the door that tried to break my leg! lol). we then find ourselves licking our wounds thinking "where did that come from?! i was being careful" or even better "i knew better than to go/do it that way." when you are really hurt or dealing with something, that wound will, more likely than not, be completely invisible. to the naked (or even judgemental) eye, you are in the best shape of your life. only when those wounds begin to heal do things start to get ugly. with healing comes knowledge, new hope. as you make up in your mind that you are going to do things the right way, you may lose friends, yeah. those people who promised to always be by your side may turn into your greatest enemies, yeah. things may seem to be in a great shambles, yeah yeah. when things start to look ugly or things aren't going your way, however, remind yourself that just like when you get a bruise on your body, things tend to get better when they look the worst.
until next time, outski♥
in any case, a couple weeks ago, i was at work on a thursday or friday and it was very, very busy. for that reason, or as a result of my clumsiness (yeah right lol), i rammed my thigh into the door that lets me onto the teller line. *ouch* of course, like i said, it was busy so i couldn't do my usual screaming, crying and rolling around on the floor, lol. instead, i cursed and kept moving. we had a line damn near out to chestnut street so i diligently worked and soon forgot about my ailment. by the end of the night, as the branch started to slow down, i realized that i had really hurt myself. pay attention. i went to the bathroom to inspect my leg thinking that there would be a bruise but there was nothing there. of course it hurt when i walked and touched the spot but visibly, i was fine. i went home, looked some more for a bruise i knew should be there but still, nothing. a few mornings later, the bruise that i knew should have been there days ago, finally reared its ugly head. it still hurt a little bit but not nearly as much as it did when it first happened. read closely. a few days later, i looked at my bruise again and yeah, it was still there looking more disgusting by the day, but it was no longer tender to the touch. i realized that the worse my thigh looked, the closer i was to a full recovery. i attribute this very theory to my everyday life. life has a way of throwing curve balls and setting traps for us that seem to come out of nowhere (like the door that tried to break my leg! lol). we then find ourselves licking our wounds thinking "where did that come from?! i was being careful" or even better "i knew better than to go/do it that way." when you are really hurt or dealing with something, that wound will, more likely than not, be completely invisible. to the naked (or even judgemental) eye, you are in the best shape of your life. only when those wounds begin to heal do things start to get ugly. with healing comes knowledge, new hope. as you make up in your mind that you are going to do things the right way, you may lose friends, yeah. those people who promised to always be by your side may turn into your greatest enemies, yeah. things may seem to be in a great shambles, yeah yeah. when things start to look ugly or things aren't going your way, however, remind yourself that just like when you get a bruise on your body, things tend to get better when they look the worst.
until next time, outski♥
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